BEST OF - Identifying Your Purpose
If you’ve been listening for awhile, then you know one of my core topics to talk about is Identifying your Purpose. The importance of discovering how to navigate from an intuitive place of authenticity that is uniquely you and true to your being is the key to navigating a life you’re in love with. We’ll explore this both through the journey’s of my guests like Christian De LaHuerta or Shana Bianchi and a few more as well as some of my solo episodes in which I give you steps and exercises you can apply in your own life to begin or continue on your own journey with purpose. So I hope this episode stirs something deep inside you that intrigues you about yourself. Enjoy.
4:57 — Shana Bianchi of Mindful Divine: Mindfully Shifting Into A Life of Purpose & Intention
11:10 — BEGIN PODCASTING: 3 Steps To Defining Your Message with Purpose
17:16 — Creating From A Place Of Joy!
20:28 — Kristel Bauer of Live Greatly: Live Your Dreams Without Sacrifice
27:58 — The KEY To Awakening Your Soul & Power with Christian De La Huerta
Christian De La Huerta [00:00:00]:
Are you cheating your relationship with yourself? Right? Are you cheating yourself? Are there parts in your life where you're selling out? Where you are selling out and settling? Where you're saying yes when inside of you really feel no? Where you're withholding parts of who you are so it's not to shake, you know, not to rock the boat too much, where you're settling for that illusion of security of a bi weekly paycheck, you know, deep stuff. And are we selling out on our soul level, mission level, work? It all begins by understanding the mind.
Kristel Bauer [00:00:33]:
It all begins by understanding the mind. I want to be happy now. I don't care about the future. I want to be happy right now.
Kristel Bauer [00:00:38]:
You are not alone.
Kristel Bauer [00:00:40]:
You are never, ever, ever alone in this.
Kristel Bauer [00:00:42]:
It's helped my voice grow and giving me freedom to be creative on my own.
Kristel Bauer [00:00:46]:
I'm Christina Barci.
SHOW INTRO [00:00:48]:
Welcome to Be Bold Begin, a podcast.
Barsi [00:00:51]:
Dedicated to you, the creative, the healer and the innovator.
Kristel Bauer [00:00:56]:
The topics and conversations we have here.
Barsi [00:00:58]:
Are designed to help you decide, discover.
Kristel Bauer [00:01:00]:
What might be getting in your way and offer you tools, techniques and guidance to move through them.
Kristel Bauer [00:01:06]:
I live in the impostor's body more than I live in my own body. I don't have to feel like I don't deserve this.
Barsi [00:01:14]:
This is where creativity and healing intersect.
Kristel Bauer [00:01:17]:
If you decide to be bold and Begin, you have the opportunity to feel humbled and empowered. I totally believe that.
Kristel Bauer [00:01:23]:
I'm a certified Kaizen-Muse Creativity Coach.
Barsi [00:01:26]:
A certified Reiki Energy Healer, and an Entrepreneur, artist and presenter. I will share with you my experiences, my proven tools and techniques that helped me and my clients and loved ones shift and expand in the areas they most desired. This is a gentle and open space where you will hear how others are being bold to encourage you to begin your own journey or expand the one you're on. This is Be Bold Begin.
Barsi [00:01:58]:
It is still gratitude season. And the reason I focus on gratitude every year is not just to be grateful because it's a nice thing to do, or because we want others in our life to feel appreciated by us, which are all really wonderful things. But I'm talking about something a bit deeper than that. When we really drop into the essence and vibration of what gratitude is, it can become the key to unlocking our abundance. When we have a practice that uses tools to bring us into the realization of all that we've already created for our current selves, and when we start to give ourselves credit for what we've already brought in, we can start to tap into that frequency of creating the next level we want. We when we start to feel the essence of the new thing we want in our existing world that we have already created. Then we unlock a power in us to do it again, but perhaps on an even bigger scale because we want to grow right? And if you're not sure where to begin your journey, how to start your process, then the program that I created for you, called the Gratitude Bundle, is really the easiest way to start to tap into the energy and practice of bringing in more and connecting with your inner knowing. That is going to be key.
Barsi [00:03:22]:
So just the way I built it is if you're just experiencing the course, if you're just going through the weeks that I prepared for you, then you are going to learn a set of tools that you can keep working with to create more shifts in your life. And of course, it is 70% off.
Barsi [00:03:37]:
Right now for the holiday season.
Barsi [00:03:39]:
So there's a link in the show notes to join. I will be there in the course group just waiting for you to answer any questions that might come up along your journey with the course. So, so just click the link in the show notes for 70% off the course and I will see you in the Gratitude bundle.
Barsi [00:04:00]:
Hi, welcome back.
Barsi [00:04:01]:
This is Barsi, your host, and if you've been listening for a while, then you know one of my core topics to talk about here is identifying your purpose. The importance of discovering how to navigate from an intuitive place of authenticity that is uniquely you and true to your being, I truly believe is the key to navigating a life that you're in love with. So today we're going to explore this both through the journeys of my guests like Christian de la Huerta or Shayna Bianchi, and a few more, as well as some of my solo episodes in which I give you steps and exercises that you can apply in your own life to begin or continue on your own journey with purpose. So I hope this episode stirs something deep inside you that intrigues you about yourself. Enjoy.
Barsi [00:04:57]:
So I want to talk about your book a little bit and in your bio I said it's leaning towards mindfulness. Do you just want to tell us a little bit about your inspiration for, you know, why a book? There's so many things we can create to get our message out. So I'm curious, you know, why a book and just a little more about what you're making a big part of.
Shana Bianchi [00:05:16]:
My shift happened in 2018 and 2019. And I've always written poetry and I've always written. I will start this by saying I'm not musically inclined. I Cannot sing very well. I cannot play any instruments. I wish that I could. I started getting, like, downloads of songs and poetry. As I was driving and as I was walking, melodies would come into my head.
Shana Bianchi [00:05:35]:
And so that was what really kind of helped to crack me open and helped me lean back into writing. I've always written short stories. I've always written again, as I said, like, poetry. And so it started to become a medium that I was comfortable with. I paint and I draw, and so that's always been a creative outlet for me. But to write again was really special. And again, again, like I've been writing, like, blog posts and marketing slogans and like, I had been writing so many other things that were not true to what I loved and what I really felt on the day to day. So it was really nice to kind of have that creative outlet.
Shana Bianchi [00:06:04]:
Throughout the course of that, I realized that there was a message to share in a really big way in and around mindfulness, which really kind of goes hand in hand with my podcast, Mindful Divine. And so it was sort of twofold for me. I love the idea. I love, obviously, talking to people. I love hearing stories. I love sharing stories. I think that there's something very special about. About learning from others and what others have kind of gone through and been through and how they have overcome different struggles and strifes.
Shana Bianchi [00:06:32]:
And so it was one hand, the podcast to talk, and then the other hand was a book, because I wanted, almost like I wanted to create a guidebook for people. I had so many listeners, friends, family members who would say kind of what we were talking about. Shayna, how do you manifest? What does it even mean? How to simplify it, but make it accessible. So I really wanted to create a book that had stories therein, but also had tips and tools and tricks and insight from thought leaders and spiritual gurus that were really helpful and inspiring to me. And anybody could turn to at any time and say, how do I live mindfully? What does mindful even mean? How do I tap in and tune in? And how do I unlock my purpose? And how do I understand that money is energy?
Barsi [00:07:17]:
It sounds like you already trusted yourself. You already trusted and had a relationship with your intuition, and that probably helped in this part of your transition and shifting. But it does sound to me like you were having this moment of really leaning into trusting that and, like, questioning that you maybe you shouldn't trust it or listening to that voice in our heads. Do you remember that being a part.
Barsi [00:07:37]:
Of it for you?
Shana Bianchi [00:07:38]:
I mean, of course I'm human. And have my days of wondering and doubting and listening to that negative voice. But I really feel that if it's possible, that voice is just the ego that's talking, and if you can quiet it, I almost sometimes treat it like a child. When I have those moments, I allow it to come in, and then I say, thank you so much. Almost like to a kid. Thank you for saying what you think and what you feel and voicing your opinion. I'm going to need you to kind of go hang in this other room for a little bit, because it's not going to gift me what I need, and it will only drive me crazier and crazier. And again, I've totally been there.
Shana Bianchi [00:08:16]:
I do feel that I have always had a confidence, and that could just be more of, like, a trust in the universe and a trust in myself. And I think so many of us doubt ourselves and don't have the confidence to know that everything is going to be okay, or they let the fear creep in. And if you can quiet and silence that fear, your life is endless. The potential to have beautiful, wonderful opportunities is endless. But you do have to stop living in that fear state. How are you talking to yourself? I remember asking my friends this a lot as I was exploring this journey, and even before saying, how do you talk to yourself? Are you mean, do you get really mad? Oh, stupid Shayna, why would you go upstairs? You could have gone, you know, like little things. I mean, some people are so hard on themselves, and it breaks my heart to think it's easy to. And there are times last week I was being so hard on myself, I thought, what are you doing? You know, be nice, praise yourself.
Shana Bianchi [00:09:12]:
Give yourself credit for being who you are and in your element. So that's one exercise that I do.
Barsi [00:09:19]:
Agreed.
Barsi [00:09:19]:
And permission to make those totally mistakes. Like, oh, why did I walk into the kitchen? Oops, how funny.
Shana Bianchi [00:09:26]:
Like, why did I take this job? Or why did I negotiate better? Or, why did I go out with that guy three times? He was a total asshole. You know, I think that there are times when we're so hard on ourselves, instead of saying, you know, what is this? Why me? What is this doing to me? Say, what is this teaching me? What did I just learn from that? I mean, I used to be so. I feel like I might have told this story on one of my podcasts, but, like, if I would remember to put my keys in the right part of my purse years ago, I would say, oh, you're such a smart cookie. Good job. Because I could Pull them right out. So I was always just affirming myself. And it sounds silly, but the way that we talk to ourselves, you would never talk to your friends or your family like this. I don't know why we give ourselves the okay to speak poorly to ourselves.
Shana Bianchi [00:10:08]:
It's not okay. It should not be okay. So really to be mindful of that. The other thing that I do, which is really interesting and also sounds bizarre, is before bed, if I'm really particularly having a low day, I will count down from 10, and on every number, I will try to compliment or affirm myself. And this is really big in confidence. And I don't even know I made this up, I think, like, years ago, you know, 10, you are wise. Nine, you are strong. Eight, you are bold, whatever it is, and really, really believe it and think it.
Shana Bianchi [00:10:38]:
And that's been something that's really helped me. And another example that I've given friends and clients and has totally helped them. I mean, even just doing it for a week really helps to change your mindset and helps to affirm and build the confidence subconsciously, even if you don't believe it yet. And listen, there are days when I'm like, I get to six, and I'm like, I don't know what else. I'm like, I'm not. I'm not proud of myself today. I'm not. And you have to force yourself to do it, no matter what.
Shana Bianchi [00:11:02]:
And there's something really beautiful and profound there.
Barsi [00:11:10]:
You came here already with a purpose in mind. You have an idea, you have a calling. You feel driven in some way, and you want to put action to it. And maybe you just weren't sure what action steps to begin with. But podcasting is all about the message, so you thought maybe you'd start here.
Barsi [00:11:28]:
And you're right. You're in the right place.
Barsi [00:11:30]:
You're right about all of that. Podcasting can be a great first step to put your purpose into action. And I want to take this moment to tell you that what you're doing, by the way, is incredibly brave. To answer the call, to listen intently enough to hear your intuition. Just listening, that is big. That's a big, big shift already. And it's brave. And I want to personally tell you congratulations for finding it, for doing that.
Barsi [00:12:00]:
You deserve to revel in that. It's not easy to hear those messages sometimes under all of the noise that is our lives, and it's much more comfortable oftentimes to just ignore them. But you are here. You are are already here. And that is huge. I do hope you find space to acknowledge that and to acknowledge you. So for me, I remind myself all the time that I want to feel inspired, I want to feel free and I want to feel at peace. And those are all tied to feeling safe and feeling grounded as well.
Barsi [00:12:34]:
So just to simplify for me for this podcast for people, begin, I need to feel those things when I'm creating it. I want to feel inspired by the topics. I want to feel a sense of freedom in my creation. And in this case, that means being authentic to who I am and how I show up in my voice with what is on my heart to share. Feeling at peace means not feeling pressured or stressed from outside sources for me and grounded for me means I need to feel solid in how I show up and what I'm bringing to you. Also to offer grounding to any guests I might have on. I want to offer all of those things to them as well. Peace and a sense of freedom and authenticity and all of that as well to you, the listener.
Barsi [00:13:18]:
So those are benchmarks for me to keep showing up and to stay invested and to show up as my most authentic self. So all of that is non negotiable. My mission ties in because of how I value holding space as well as creating safe spaces to share and become inspired or have shifts occur. Because one of my bigger purposes is to heal with creativity. And that is how I show up to this podcast. That is how all of those elements fold into each other. It's also how I show up when I consult, when I'm working with my clients. To me, that's a safe space for healing and growth.
Barsi [00:13:51]:
The whole process is very personal. How do you see yourself in the future if you get to live your purpose fully and get to have your core values met in all you do now? How would you like to show up in this venture, in this moment, as you take your first steps forward and try to think of those questions and answers from a place that is open, from a place that is abundant meaning. Oftentimes when we try to imagine something that we want for ourselves, the negative reasons of why we can't have it will creep in and will stop us from seeing the full picture of what we would like to have for ourselves. Things like that's not meant for you or that's never going to happen. That's you can't have that, but maybe you can have this dimmer version of it, things like that. So just notice that if it's happening and try to just recenter and try it Again, and just try to see the full picture that you want for yourself. So I want you to think of 5 to 10 words, single words that represent what you value at your core, and you're going to write them down. So on a piece of paper you're going to write a list.
Barsi [00:15:07]:
I gave some examples earlier of what mine are when showing up to this podcast, for example, and the way to think of these is what you need most when engaging in a project. A relationship, whether that be a business relationship or otherwise, or an experience. And it's what you need to feel coming from you, and also what you want to feel from the others involved and the situation and what you want to bring to the other's experience with you. So I want to feel it inside when I think of engaging with the project or person, and I want to bring this energy to the project in person as well. So here are some of mine again. Freedom, safety, space, inspiration, love, openness, creativity. And there's more, but that's a few. Next, you're going to circle your top three that are the most important to you, that are non negotiable.
Barsi [00:16:03]:
They're the most important. They must be a part of your life. And if you're unsure, you can imagine doing something without having each core value present. Go through them one at a time, feeling what it feels like to have it like. Try to feel the energy of it for just a few seconds, just a few moments, and then do the same for what it would feel like not to have it.
Barsi [00:16:25]:
What would it feel like for just.
Barsi [00:16:27]:
A few seconds fully? To not have that core value in something specific that you're doing, or a relationship or something like that. But really pay attention to how it makes you feel. If you're feeling strain or tension without that core value present, then it is probably a must to have. For me, the first one I think of as non negotiable these days is openness. I need that type of energy coming from me to make space for others so I can serve well. And I need it from others in order to be creative and stay in the flow and to feel safe in my own authenticity. And here's the big one that I almost even overlooked. I need openness for the process to feel joyful to me, for me to feel excited to want to do it.
Barsi [00:17:16]:
So my upbringing had led me to believe that hard work is how we create anything. Nothing gets created working hard. And I still work very hard. And it's hard to break that habit. It's difficult and it's. It's just sort of ingrained in me. So I have to remind myself all the time that I can still create from a place of joy and get everything done, etc. And the way I remind myself is by asking some of these questions.
Barsi [00:17:43]:
One of them is, where is the joy in this choice? Meaning there was a time where I chosen to do the thing in front of me and asking myself in the moment, where is the joy? How can this have to become a get to? And what would it feel like to create from a place of ease and joy? So those are two questions. One is have to versus get to. Those are reframes. So oftentimes we're like, oh, I have to do this. This is an obligation. If I don't get this done today, then I'll miss the deadline and people will be upset, et cetera. Or for me, because I live on deadlines specific to releases around production. If I don't meet my deadline, then someone's show doesn't get released.
Barsi [00:18:21]:
So that's a problem. So it starts to feel very obligatory. And then I have to remind myself, okay, well, I get to work in this field. I made this choice, I created this company. I made this life for myself. I chose all of that. And I love what I do. I love it.
Barsi [00:18:36]:
But sometimes when I'm in the nitty gritty, it can be easy to forget how much I love it because I'm just concerned with what is right in front of me. So the reframe is when I'm telling myself in my head, like, oh, I got to get this next thing done and then this has to happen and what if it's it turned into I get to produce this episode for someone. I get to listen to all of this wonderful information and get paid while I do it. You know, those are wonderful. Get to reframes. And the other question I asked was, what would it feel like to create from a place of ease and joy? So that's just a small question, meaning it doesn't have to be answered. Your subconscious mind will start to work on it for you and your body will start to just take it on slowly. If you start to ask yourself things like that on a regular basis, and especially, what would it feel like to create from a place of ease and joy.
Barsi [00:19:21]:
Another way to say that is what if what I'm doing right now felt really fun and joyful and easy. Now you may need some shifts. Maybe when you ask those questions, the answers have changed. Maybe they're not joyful anymore. Maybe you do need a shift. So then you might ask yourself, how can I make this more fun or more joyful or easier? And that is if you still want to keep doing the thing. And if you don't, then you might need to ask yourself, what else can I do? How can I change? And that's a bigger path and a whole nother set of questions. But then you're starting a new process, so you'll be back at the awareness step one again.
Barsi [00:20:01]:
But that's a good thing because you will have something to pursue and you will know that maybe there's something even more joyful that you could be doing. The fact is, we make more intuitive decisions and create in a bigger way when we give ourselves the freedom to.
Barsi [00:20:15]:
Do it from a place to.
SHOW INTRO [00:20:16]:
Of joy. So it's important you will have bigger results when you are feeling good about what you're creating.
Kristel Bauer [00:20:28]:
I was working in plastic surgery, did a little dermatology, and originally I was pediatric pulmonary. So I was working with kids who had cystic fibrosis and, you know, asthma. So I had been in a bunch of different fields, and I thought at that time, like, okay, well, kind of lost that zest for it. I felt, like, kind of burnt out with the traditional medical model. And I was like, no, I think I'm just going to be home, and I don't think I want to go back. And then, you know, after my mom got diagnosed with cancer, I, like, got my medical brain working again.
Barsi [00:21:00]:
So that sparked the interest to want to solve the problem and help her.
Barsi [00:21:04]:
Right?
Kristel Bauer [00:21:05]:
Yeah.
Kristel Bauer [00:21:05]:
And then, like, the investigation of, okay, well, there's more than just, like, traditional Western medicine. And I had gotten. I just been exposed to Reiki, like, right around that time, my life had changed so much since I had been home. I'd gotten into just, like, yoga and eating organic and just taking care of myself. You know, when I was younger, I was like, whatever, and I started just to have a different perspective on life. And then after my mom, I started to explore my spirituality and my purpose and just started to question, like, what am I waiting for? And what am I, like, all the things that I was afraid of, like, afraid of failing, afraid of being judged, afraid of looking stupid. Like, all those things that people fear, right? They just didn't matter. Like, and when I looked at it in the big picture, like, does that cares? Like, you know, my mom's going through all of this, like, who cares if I feel embarrassed or who cares if I, like, go for it and it doesn't work out? Like, that doesn't matter.
Kristel Bauer [00:22:00]:
What matters Is that I'm putting myself out there. I'm trying to share my talents and discover and explore and make the most out of my life.
Barsi [00:22:07]:
I love in your bio that I read when you said, live fully from a place of love and joy. That's possible. And I love that as your mission in a way to get that word out that that's possible.
Kristel Bauer [00:22:18]:
Yeah, that's what I'm striving for. So it's kind of my intentions every day is like, that's how I want to show up in the world. And it comes down to checking in with myself a lot because I think I spent a lot of my life looking outside of myself for answers and looking outside of myself for, like, validation and not really owning my power. You know, I think I, for a while, I kind of like, gave it away. Like, everyone's telling me, this is what you should be doing and this is how you should be thinking. Now it's really about, okay, well, I need to listen to myself. I need to tune into myself. How do I want to show up? Who do I want to be? What's possible for me? Because if you can believe that it's possible for yourself, it is.
Kristel Bauer [00:22:57]:
You know, so it's really about knowing, what do you need? What do you want? What do you desire instead of looking outside of yourself for that?
Barsi [00:23:04]:
Why did you call it Live Greatly? What is the big vision for it? If you can share that with us.
Kristel Bauer [00:23:09]:
I'll tell you my story about Live Greatly. So I was meditating and I was like, okay, what do I want for a name? And the number 11 just like, had meaning for me. And I was like, I really like the idea of having something that has 11 letters. And I just sat in meditation and literally like, that popped in my head. And I was like, let me count. I was like, oh. And I like that. And so that was like, it was that simple.
Kristel Bauer [00:23:30]:
And I was like, let me look and see if it's available. It's available. Awesome.
Barsi [00:23:34]:
Oh my gosh, I love that.
Barsi [00:23:37]:
That's amazing.
Kristel Bauer [00:23:39]:
Yeah. And so then it was really about, I have this insights to share and all that I've learned and all this knowledge. And I was like, okay, well, I'm going to start speaking. I've been lecturing and teaching and I wanted to start kind of sharing that on a wider scale. And then the podcast. So started my podcast and growing. So now it's like, okay, doing consulting and the speaking, and then I'm doing, making a course, an eight week course to people with a Video every day to kind of awaken to their passion, to optimize their well being. And what I've really kind of discovered is something I'm extremely passionate about is helping people realize that they don't have to sacrifice on their way to achieving success.
Kristel Bauer [00:24:22]:
Because I think people do that. And I kind of grew up, I don't know, with that in the back of my head. Like, you have to sacrifice to get what you are dreaming of. Like, sacrifice, sacrifice. In school, sacrifice.
Barsi [00:24:33]:
It's the social rhetoric we're taught that and in relationships people say all the time, oh, you have to make sacrifices. I hate that word. I know. I don't want to say. I don't think you need to sacrifice anything. I think you can collaborate.
Kristel Bauer [00:24:47]:
Yes.
Barsi [00:24:48]:
Yeah. So I'm sorry, go ahead.
Kristel Bauer [00:24:50]:
Yeah, no, I totally agree. Like, that word just, it rubs me the wrong way because I feel like, okay, but you're like, I guess maybe it's because I've felt burnt out and I felt depleted and I've experienced those. The flip side of that where I'm like, no, but that's not the way to do it. Because when you sacrifice and then you're depleted, then you're not showing up as the best version of yourself.
Barsi [00:25:10]:
Yeah. Empty, Right.
Kristel Bauer [00:25:13]:
So it doesn't make sense. And in the healthcare profession that was ingrained in the training of, okay, like, you gotta sacrifice for your patients, okay. And like, you've got to stay up, you know, you've got to do the night shift, you gotta do it. Okay, you're gonna have to work late. Like, you have to sacrifice sleep, you're gonna have to study. Like, that idea of sacrifice, I think is just in schools and then also with employees. And then on the flip side, working in integrative psychiatry, I saw so many people who are miserable because they had been sacrificing and sacrificing and sacrificing, and then they achieved whatever goal they were trying to achieve and they're not happy.
Barsi [00:25:48]:
Yeah.
Barsi [00:25:49]:
So that said.
Barsi [00:25:49]:
So for someone who's feeling something that they want to change, maybe they really loved the idea of getting rid of sacrifice or finding a way to have what you want and still feel good and manage that, what would you suggest.
Barsi [00:26:04]:
Would be a first step to get started on that kind of path?
Kristel Bauer [00:26:05]:
Ooh, set an intention. So intentions are so powerful and they are really profound. And there's actually research behind intentions as well. So research behind intentions. There were these gorilla experiments, I don't know. Have you ever heard of the gorilla experiments?
Barsi [00:26:21]:
No. Do you have time to tell us?
Kristel Bauer [00:26:23]:
Yeah, yeah. They're so fun. Okay, so guerrilla experiments, they had a group of people watch a video of people playing basketball. And they told the people watching the video to pay attention to how often the team. And I think it was like the white colored jersey, how often they passed the ball. So the people watching the video had their intention. They were focused on this one thing. And in the middle of the video, someone dressed in a gorilla costume walked by.
Kristel Bauer [00:26:48]:
And I've seen the video like in, I mean, I knew the gorilla costume was coming, but like it's a big gorilla costume. Like you would think 100% of people would see it because it's like walks right through the video. And at the end they found out how many people, they asked how many people saw the person in the gorilla costume. And it was only 50%. 50% of people missed it. But it goes to show that we miss a lot. And if you don't have the right intentions for yourself, for your life, you can miss a lot of opportunities that are there that you're just not looking for. So I would say start by setting intentions and kind of getting someplace quiet to tune into.
Kristel Bauer [00:27:25]:
Like what are you hoping for? And if you're not sure, it's maybe it's clarity. Maybe you're hoping for clarity because if you set that intention, then it's going to be on your radar. Your brain's going to be looking for maybe it's the perfect book or that whatever it may be, but you're going to then have that on your radar to look for it. And then on the spiritual sense, there's also the idea that you're supported by the user universe and etc. So that would be where I would start, would be setting intentions.
Barsi [00:27:58]:
How do you start that awareness process? Because that's really the first step, right? Is understanding that we aren't aware of something but you don't know what you don't know. So how do you become. I mean, there's so many ways we could talk about this, but I'm curious what your thoughts are on that.
Christian De La Huerta [00:28:13]:
Yeah, well, I think you said it, it starts with self awareness. We can't do anything about what we don't see.
Barsi [00:28:19]:
Right.
Christian De La Huerta [00:28:19]:
And a lot of the stuff is subconscious. So that's the first, first step is becoming conscious of why we do the things we do and why, of the patterns that sometimes we think we're reacting to a present situation, but it's actually goes back to childhood and some choice that we made about ourselves that is still having an impact upon ourselves. So for example, like I come across this one a lot that say that our parents got divorced at a young age, when we were at a young age. And we didn't have the perspective to understand what was going on in the relationship or understand how their parents were taught about relationship. And their parents before that. We didn't know what conflicts our parents were dealing with or why they got into relationship in the first place or, you know, their brain biochemistry, any substances that were present. We take it personally, right? And maybe we misheard something, maybe, maybe one of our parents said something in a moment of overwhelm and we took it on. We became part of our identity.
Christian De La Huerta [00:29:14]:
So how could daddy leave me? You know, doesn't daddy love me? How could he leave? Or mommy? And it had nothing to do with us, but we made it about us and we took it on and then that becomes part of our identity. And as long as that is in there, and because it's such an intense thing for a little kid, we cover it up, we suppress it, and we overcompensate for it, which explains perfectionism. We have to overcompensate and prove to the world and to ourselves that we are good enough, that we are worthy. And I know that one from personal experience too. So it all begins by becoming aware of why we do the things we do. And that's why I spend that much time in the beginning of the book. And I designed the book to walk people by the hand. It's stuff that is not easy to see.
Christian De La Huerta [00:29:57]:
It's simple to understand, but it's hard to see in ourselves because by definition there are blind spots and there's stuff that we have, in some cases spent a lifetime running away from and numbing ourselves out not to look at and not to feel right. Like, I mean, it's hard to feel like we're not good enough. It's hard to feel that we're not worthy. The most tragic part of those beliefs that we take on in childhood is that they're not true. They're just misunderstandings of little minds, of young minds that didn't know any better. So the only way to freedom is we have to have the courage to go within and to look ourselves and to face those inner demons. And it is difficult, yes, it's nothing short of heroic. And it is so worthwhile to do that work because the reward is freedom and such a profound sense of self love and self acceptance that is hard to convey.
Christian De La Huerta [00:30:48]:
And like you said, to wrap it all up to what you said it goes back to self awareness. That's the first step. Self awareness leads to self acceptance, which leads to self love.
Barsi [00:30:57]:
It sounds like you had a really big opportunity to develop a relationship with yourself early on. Yes, and I relate to that from a creative standpoint. I was more interested in making up my games than looking to an outsource, like even television. I was very picky. I still am about what I consume. I'm not so interested. I'm more interested in ideas and creativity and being imaginative. But I think that helped me really learn more about who I am.
Barsi [00:31:26]:
And it sounds like you may have tapped into that really early on.
Christian De La Huerta [00:31:29]:
Yeah, yeah, for sure. And yeah, I did a little bit of reading about you and your second generation immigrant, in your case from Hungary, but also another communist country.
Barsi [00:31:38]:
Yes.
Christian De La Huerta [00:31:39]:
And then I also read somewhere you're writing somewhere that you were identified as introverted, which. So do I. You know, there's a book called the Introvert Advantage. And you know, the way that they define introversion is that we process things internally before we speak them, whereas an extrovert is actually figuring out what they believe and how they think as they're speaking it. And I think that's what you're talking about. For me, it was, yes, I had a very rich internal life and I had to face some existential questions from a young age. And at the time it was painful and, you know, like trying to find a place for myself as I knew from a young age that I was gay and so trying to find a place for myself and the religion that I was trying to serve. I had this part of me that wanted to be a priest at the same time that I was being told that I was going to burn to hell for eternity.
Christian De La Huerta [00:32:26]:
So tough, tough time. My adolescence was probably one long depression with suicidal fantasies. But the upside of it, the silver lining is that I had to face myself and ask the really profound existential questions which I think most of us have to ask at some point, like who are we and what are we doing here and what is our relationship to this thing we call life and how quickly it goes and what are we going to do with this little time that we have on this tiny, tiny pebble that. That carries us through space at thousands of miles per hour. So, yeah, I'm grateful for the pain and the alienation because it deepened me and it also gave me the ability to feel and to feel compassion and to empathize with other people's pain.
Barsi [00:33:07]:
Do you feel like the idea of being authentic was always Available to you? Or was that something you had to work towards connecting with, finding authenticity for yourself?
Christian De La Huerta [00:33:15]:
I mean, that's a great question. And I think there were layers to it. Like, it was eye opening to me that, you know, I had rationalized not coming out to my parents because I figured, you know, that I would need to know the love was established. All my partners at the time were immediately accepted into the family. So I didn't feel the need to speak about it. But looking back on it, it was a rationalization. It was a difficult conversation that I was avoiding. But it took me realizing that, you know, once I started teaching, very soon I started realizing teaching about authenticity.
Christian De La Huerta [00:33:44]:
And it dawned on me that I was withholding a huge part of who I was, of who I am, to my arguably most constant and most significant relationship that with my parents. And this is interesting too, because it talks about how Carl Jung writes that we attract people into our lives and we create situations so that we can heal blind spots in us, parts that we can't see yet. So in my first three relationships, there was a pattern of me getting cheated on. And I didn't find out until after the fact. And it wasn't anything that I was doing. I wasn't stepping outside of the relationship. But once I started teaching and once I started realizing that I wasn't out to my parents, dawned on me that I was cheating my most significant relationship that with my parents. Because for years I had monitor what I was saying.
Christian De La Huerta [00:34:30]:
Like either sometimes either withhold information or outright lied if they asked me, what did you do this weekend? And so in a sense, I was cheating my relationship with my parents. And here's the amazing thing about how this stuff works. After I came out to my parents so that cheating was done, that was like the only area in which I was cheating once I came out. When I. When I did that, I was in an ashram, I was in a spiritual community. But after that phase, when I got in my next relationship and every relationship since, I've never been cheated on. It's never been an issue.
Barsi [00:35:01]:
Wow, that's like deep subconscious healing is what it feels like to me. Yeah, I think that's a great story. I appreciate you sharing it and being forthcoming with that moment in your life because it was just right there with you when you were telling the story and knowing that feeling of not being truthful. And I have a hard time not being truthful to the point where sometimes I overshare the details of things because I just don't want to carry stuff. I didn't share around with me, if that makes sense. So that can be really painful.
Christian De La Huerta [00:35:31]:
Yes. And it's so important for anybody who has struck a chord with who also has a pattern of being cheated on and they don't have that situation like I did of coming out. But I would ask them to ask themselves, are you cheating your relationship with yourself? Right? Are you cheating yourself? Are there parts in your life where you're selling out? Where you are selling out and settling? Where you're saying yes when inside of you really feel no. Where you're withholding parts of who you are so it's not to shake, not to rock the boat too much. Where you're settling for that illusion of security of a bi weekly paycheck. Deep stuff stuff. And are we selling out on our soul level, mission level work. And that's, I mean that's a whole other direction of the conversation.
Christian De La Huerta [00:36:14]:
But if we're willing to do the work, right, if you're willing to ask ourselves these questions, then those external dramas of like getting cheated on in a relationship, they just disappear. They fall away. And by the way, this is not excusing anybody's behavior.
Barsi [00:36:27]:
Right?
Christian De La Huerta [00:36:28]:
It's not. But it's saying that if we want to be free, we've got to look within foreign.
Barsi [00:36:37]:
Thank you for listening to People Begin. We hope that these episodes inspire and empower you to take your next steps in your own intuitive journey towards a life or business that feels clear, authentic and aligned. And if you're ready for more tools and guidance like courses and free events.
Barsi [00:36:55]:
Then I'd love to invite you to.
Barsi [00:36:57]:
My new intuitive Creative Academy and Collective.
Barsi [00:37:00]:
It's free to join.
Barsi [00:37:01]:
Just follow the link in the show notes and remember to DM me once you get there to receive a special gift for being a listener of people Begin. I'll look forward to seeing you there.
